No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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