I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You can't motorboat a personality
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
