i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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