Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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