You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You are a genius and a whore.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
