After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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