Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This is my gift to your gina
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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