she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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