I can't breathe out the right side of my face
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
