Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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