oh god the rape fog is back!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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