Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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