All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
