Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
