I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
What drink are we having for lunch?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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