I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
