She's JV to your varsity
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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