How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
