Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
