I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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