In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
