Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
