My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
