billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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