oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
