So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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