no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
