YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
