Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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