Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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