I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
