I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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