i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
