She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
