so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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