The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
