I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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