Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
