so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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