Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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