I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm like, not good at living.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
