She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
