flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
