I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize