p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
