we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i drank out of a bidet.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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