i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
