i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
