I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
