moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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