So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
