please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
