Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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