Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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