whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
