fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
where are my eyebrows?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
