You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
