I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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