you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
