You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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