shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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