I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
