i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
