i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my phone needs a breathalizer
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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