Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
