i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
