Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
