he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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