coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
