shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
