phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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