I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
