you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
