So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
they're like a gay fantastic four
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
