I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
