went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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