I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
