There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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