ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize