I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
